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The Incomparable Mort's Flaming Butterknife  18

Page history last edited by API administrator user 14 years, 8 months ago

Back to the 100 Swords of Sepathok

 

<< Patois, Sword of A Thousand Tongues | Rakshi's Katana of Angst and Morbidity >>

 

The Incomparable Mort's Flaming Butterknife +18

 

One of the 100 Swords of Sepathok forged by the legendary forge-king of the Dwarves, Gragnakas.

 

Surprising in that it is one of the most honestly named of the 100 great swords. The butter knife did indeed produce flame, and its design was suggested by Mort the Dairyman. Nothing like it has ever been made before or since, perhaps with good reason.

 

Sadly, even a +18 butterknife is not a particularly imposing weapon. It is, however, very good at spreading even the most frozen of butter.

 

Sepathok himself used the sword for, predictably, spreading butter. Once he was ambushed while spreading butter, but doubted the power of the butterknife so much that he spent four minutes elaborately dancing around his opponents' blades while he tried to find one of his other 98 swords. Anything's better than a butterknife.

 

The Story of Mort and The Incomparable Mort's Flaming Butterknife +18

 

It is said that after creating Patois, Sword of A Thousand Tongues, Gragnakas fell into a slump, unable to come up with any ideas of what to make next. As any creative individual with a deadline would, he delt with this by getting drunk and passing out in an alley.

 

At some point during the early morning hours, as Gragnakas later claimed, Mort the Dairyman woke him. Mort claimed that he had butter that had been left too long in the icebox, and he needed to deliver it. Gragnakas tried to explain that he made swords but Mort insisted he needed a butterknife. The Dwarf examined the butter and, based on his knowledge of sword forging, said that no butterknife could cut it.

 

At that point Mort's voice became eerily echoey and fire shot from his eyes as he exclaimed "Then make me a flaming butterknife!"

 

Gragnakas was so stunned he fell over backwards and knocked his head, lying unconscious until morning. When he awoke, he was unsure if he had been dreaming, but a pint of Very Heavy Cream was on the ground beside him. He began work with renewed vigor that very day.

 

"Mort, while I hold your knowledge of all things dairy in the highest respect, as a renowned swordmaster I must disagree. To make a device capable of cutting butter this hard would require an edge so sharp that none but the most cutlery-ignorant would mistake it for a butterknife. What you ask is impossible."

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