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L. H. Franzibald

The author of lame The Elspinster Saga and of the much more popular, but equally lame, The Song of the Sorcelator, which shall not be discussed further on this Wiki (except for the page about it, which does not constitute "discussion" so much as "a warning"). There are plenty of other places for fans of that series to congregate.

Those scum.

In any case, L. H. Fanzibald (The Dawn of Evil - Tomorrow if all goes as planned), is the ruthless, cowardly, witless, and basically horrible person who has stolen, corrupted, and perverted all that we ELotH:TES fans hold dear. How he has done this is something that causes even the mildest fan to shiver: word for word, he took our dear Elemenstor Cycle, and called it his own. And that's not even the worst transgression! He then altered it beyond recognition (a devious plan designed to make it seem as if his work of fiction was original), into a form so heinous, a form that is such an assault upon human discourse in general, that it shot up to #7 on the bestseller list for six weeks. Subsequent books in the series enjoyed mild success. The worst part is that he changed them so much, only true ELotH:TES fans can see the blatant copying. Send Money to family overseas.

In an obviously desperate attempt to appear "cool" Franzibald often wears trendy "California Style" clothes and dark sunglasses. Additionally he often travels armed with exotic melee weapons, revealing the violent unstable nature of his character more than any accusations hurled on a web site.

Franzibald has been the subject of numerous assasination attempts, none of which were successful. The pattern behind these is always eerily similar: a pale, fat white male or a pale, weak skinny white male launches himself at Franzibald, usually carrying a weapon based upon a piece of ELotH:TES lore. These are almost always cheap Boxing Glove plastic knockoffs, and cause little harm. Franzibald then flees, the sickly nerd giving chase, until the nerd's cardiovascular system gives out or he sees a girl, which stops him in his tracks. A shame, really. The latest attempt occurred at a convention, as Franzibald was standing right next to our beloved Tycho Brahe. Details are scarce, but apparently the would-be assassin is an out-of-the-closet furni and the incident has involved Brahe's companion Gabe in some way.

Other than the fact that he is a terrible person, a coward, and an all around horse anus with a face only a mother could love (if that mother happened to be blind), not much else is known about Franzibald or his life before he wrote/plagiarized The Song of the Sorcelator. Efforts to find out more about this piece of human excrement have come up unsuccessful (and uninitiated).

However, since the true nature of his character is evident to all ELotH:TES fans, it is safe to assume the following things. Although these statements have no research attached to them, it does not, in any way, make these statments any less true.

• Franzibald regularly tortured kittens and puppies as a child
• Franzibald is entirely responsible for World War One
• The fact that Franzibald wasn't born before WWI occurred is only his attempt to avoid suspicion
• Franzibald worships an insane serial murder named Archduke
• Franzibald is an avid fan of Johnathan Swift, but only for his satirical work, A Modest Proposal.
• Franzibald considers baby flesh a tasty snack.
• Franzibald hates puppies and kittens.
• Franzibald is the evil force behind the massive deluge of terrible penguin films we have been forced to endure in the past three years.
• Franzibald bought a house in Florida with money he stole from orphans and old people.
• Franzibald's Triple Wand Claws are in fact a real item which he employs in his vile molestation of all three of his grandmothers, at the same time.
• Franzibald is a master whipsman, trained in whip-usage by assaulting any and all who enjoy his writings or show him the slightest increment of respect; he believes that anyone who holds a positive opinion is sucking up to him.
• Franzibald also whips anybody who expresses dislike of his works, proclaiming them idiots who cannot appreciate fine literature.
• Franzibald is Objectivist.
• Twice, Messir Franzibald has been found savaging the genitals of elderly tortoises, in front of abused children, while wantonly wasting expensive milkshakes.
• Recently, allegations have surfaced that Franzibald may be a member of the evil, possibly non-existent group, The Disilluminati (assuming it exists), and that he wrote The Song of the Sorcelator for the sole reason of defaming ELotH:TES.
• Franzibald owns a PSP only to use it to view UMD-format movies, and is a great advocate of the format.
• Franzibald once got his penis stuck in a manual typewriter....on purpose, because the sick freak gets off on Creak.
• Franzibald is, in truth, the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. He and his people have announced this on numerous occasions, with their only excuse being that he is trying to 'Go Legit'. A likely story.
• Franzibald has had congress with the beast. You heard right, he is expected to give birth to the anti-Christ. How this will happen is yet to be determined.
• Franzibald advised George Lucas on the creation of the character Jar Jar Binks.

Numerous lawsuits have been filed claiming plagiarism, but these have largely failed for three reasons. First, Realmworlds Publishing refuses to employ lawyers who have not been disbarred at least once, claiming that all others "lack proper experience." Secondly, Franzibald has cleverly crafted his books to appear entirely unrelated to the ELotH saga, a claim that the jury is unfortunately sympathetic to given the fact that The Song of the Sorcelator was published before Book 1 was. Thirdly, Tycho Brahe sues so many people for so many reasons that he's basically ignored.

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